A Letter For My Body
From the beginning, you suffered with me. You came to this world a month before you were supposed to.
A premature baby. Fragile, vulnerable. Underdeveloped for the challenges of this world. It is scary to go to a new place when you are not ready and yet, you did it.
Meningitis came on and with it, a temporary paralysis. You could not move your left side but after quite a battle you succeeded. You had a tough beginning in this world but you never gave up.
And then you grew with me. You started to stretch. You started to look different and I was too young to appreciate you. I was more focused on seeing the stretch marks and being mean to you for them, but it wasn’t your fault. You were changing with me and I should have been kinder.
During my first breakup, I hurt you so much. I stopped eating without thinking of you, and after losing 22 pounds, you stood up by me without complaining.
But then I entered my twenties and the ego was higher than ever. I was never satisfied with your looks. I noticed the stretch marks again and I hated them. I noticed the not so soft skin and wanted to cover myself up. Every morning I was looking at myself in the mirror with a judging look. “Too short, too skinny, too fat”. Looking at you closely in the mirror to tell you how much I disliked the large pores and dark circles.
I never said I’m sorry and that is why I want to write you this letter. I am sorry for the mean words and thoughts. I am sorry for all the wrong places I took you, knowing that you could get hurt. I am sorry for my irresponsible decisions that caused you so much pain. I am sorry for blaming you and even being ashamed of you when all I had to do was to accept you. You didn’t deserve my words.
Dear body, thank you. Thank you for healing every time that I have fallen. Thank you for having recovered after the 47 stitches in my head when I had that car accident in 2009. Thank you for supporting me with a weak knee. I told her some bad words as well when I should have been kinder to her, more than ever. It was her ACL that got broken, after all.
Thank you for supporting me every day, for taking me from place to place. Thank you for taking all my hits, for stretching with me, for growing with me. Thank you for all your five senses. Thank you for guarding my soul every single day, even when I forget about her too.
I promise to look at you differently. I promise to take care of you, to pamper you, to only speak kind words to you. I promise to love you.
Because you feel, and you deserve only to feel kindness.
